Hey A’s, can we suggest a new strategy to land your dream stadium?

Yay! Your massive waterfront project came closer to reality on Wednesday. The Oakland Planning Commission unanimously gave its blessing to the final environmental impact report and sent it to the city council.

Citizens of Oakland and fans of A, like the kids in the back seat, are clamoring to know when the ballpark and village will be built. “Are we there yet?”

You will answer: “No! Shut up and eat your Twinkies. We didn’t even get out of the driveway.

A million obstacles lie ahead, but the dream still lives on, so now is a good time for this column to offer you – team owner John Fisher and chairman Dave Kaval – seven helpful tips for greasing the wheels of your moving train.

One. Put Las Vegas on hold.

Chairman Kaval, your “parallel tracks” strategy, trading simultaneously with Vegas and Oakland, is what the kids call squeaky. Business is business, leverage is a handy negotiation tool, but threatening to take your team to Las Vegas if you don’t get everything you want, when you want it, mocks your bragging to be “rooted in Oakland”.

Las Vegas isn’t going anywhere. These people have no other fish on their line. Take your best shot with the city of Oakland, and if it doesn’t work, Las Vegas will still be there waiting, stupid cowboy hat in hand.

Of them. Stop playing the victim card. If you and Oakland have a limbo contest to see which side can bend the farthest back, Oakland wins.

The city and county have made huge concessions and seem willing to sweep away mountains of paperwork and opposition in order to keep the ball club and the project in Oakland. Yet every new franchise in Oakland gets squashed by you guys like it’s a fly on your donut.

It’s an attitude. Of course, some opponents of your project, civil servants and citizens, may come across as crackpots and curmudgeons. This is the Bay Area. But many people have legitimate concerns. They deserve to be treated with respect and commitment.

Three. Give us numbers.

For example, the city wants you to build 450 affordable housing units on site (15% of all housing to be built) and donate an additional $50 million for affordable housing elsewhere in the city. This is mandated by law. You, a multi-billionaire and his sidekick, first proposed spending exactly zero dollars on affordable housing.

Where are we now, Dave and John? How many affordable units will you sign your names to?

City officials might take your word that you’ll do what’s right, morally and legally, but they’re not morons. At least we hope they’re not.

Four. Stop blaming time. Prez Kaval, you said with exasperation, “We need to come to some sort of resolution on this 20-year saga that has been the A-stage effort.”

This saga is about you guys. You killed 17 of those years with clumsy, clumsy attempts to move the team to San Jose, Fremont, wherever. More recently, you spent two years planning a stadium at Laney College. It exploded like a rigged cigar.

You only pitched the Howard Terminal idea at the end of 2018, so don’t make it look like the city has been jerking you off for 20 years. It’s the opposite.

Five. Adopt the process.

Please stop trying to look like you’re looking for a permit to convert your garage into an in-law. You claim your ballpark/village would be the biggest development project in California history, then you press your wristwatch and shake your head, like Oakland is wasting the work by not signing your entire list of requests.

Recognize that this is not just a massive project, but also significant obstacles and risks that were evident from the start.

It’s one thing to build a baseball stadium on a vast expanse of empty desert sand, displacing nothing but rattlesnakes and scorpions. You try to transform a colossal and convoluted mini-city into an already crowded and busy neighborhood.

Six. Be nicer. There is a human element to negotiating with a potential business partner.

For example, Oakland released an official FAQ sheet about the proposed project last summer. One question was, “Will the waterfront ballpark impact the harbor?”

The city’s answer: “No”.

The memo was then crafted, in so many words, but do you see how hard the city is working to be on your side, to be your partner, to fight your fight?

Do you work so hard to get along? “No.”

Seven. Stop saying “rooted in Oakland”. Technically, yes. But when it comes to roots, there are oaks and there are dandelions. Don’t blow that and blow.

Scott Ostler is a columnist for The San Francisco Chronicle. Email: sostler@sfchronicle.comTwitter: @scottostler

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